Jesus

January 15, 2018

I've always had a sense, ever since I was a child, that there was a force that triumphs the darkness, evil, and injustice in this world. My childhood conscience was noticeably more bothered about breaking the rules compared to my classmates. They had no problem bullying others around, using vulgar language, lying, handling adult content, and breaking the rules. I remember at times feeling like an outcast for not wanting to participate in some of the things they did. Bear in mind, this was in middle school. I can say a lot more about this point of my life. Especially about how teens and children are being exposed to these things at an alarmingly young age, but those details do not have relevance to this entry.

Through experience, I came to find what the source of this darkness is. It's sin. What is sin? Sin is anything that replaces God, it's even the absence of God Himself. Sin is human constitution by nature. It's been injected into everyone of us, and as a result, we commit sins.

I've now come to realize that by nature, I'm exactly the same as my childhood classmates. In me is the very sin that is flowing throughout all humanity. No matter how "good" I thought I might of been, it never really mattered. Regardless of whether I was a good kid or a bad kid, it became apparent through various dealings that my need was the same - I needed the Person of Jesus Christ.

Wait! Hold up. I grew up in a Christian household. Why is it that it wasn't until years later that I realized this need? Well, it turns out that growing up in a Christian household, even in a so-called "Christian community", does not equate to coming to know the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ. Have you ever had that friend that described himself and his beliefs to be Christian, yet somehow his living didn't quite match up? Yep. That was me. I knew Christianity, I even knew the moral code taught in the Bible. Yet, my living wasn't there. This is the part where I am now going to write something fairly radical in the eyes of most Christians and maybe even non-Christians: It's possible to be a Christian yet completely miss the living Person of Christ.

Most people these days, when I talk to them about Jesus or the Bible, automatically have this thought that I am a somewhat religious person. To most that I've spoken to, Jesus equals religion. The Bible equals religion. As a result, they quickly and without hesitation put up a barrier. I don't blame them. Some have had negative experiences with religion. Maybe they have caught a glimpse of a "holy" man's lifestyle. Or maybe their experience was more direct, having been told how bad of a person they are for wearing a certain thing or saying certain things. This was my life for the first 20 years. Religion was hypocrisy - living a dual life with hardly any sincerity towards the actual focus: Christ.

In 2010, my life was revolutionized. The Bible was opened to me in a way that was beyond my simple mental comprehension. Before I go on, I have to give this disclaimer: I was in a very open stage of my life. I've had a few things happen that caused me to look at the Bible for help, rather then to fancy a religious zeal or fulfill a obligatory checklist. However, coming to the Bible for this help wasn't the only parameter in the mix. There is also the timing of it all. Exactly the right people that I met at exactly the right time at exactly the right place. There was also genuine care and inward rest that I had. Above all, a book that had been incomprehensible for all my life has now become nourishment and light to me. That's not something that happens coincidentally or even through merely growing up in a Christian household.

If you know me, or interact with me in some way or another, know that I'm not another minion who drank the kool-aid. I'm a simple man endeavoring to practice my faith in knowing the Person of Jesus. In my eyes, this faith was produced through a series of personal and subjective experiences.

Don't worry - I won't go off Bible-bashing you and your dog. I respect other's beliefs, just as I expect them to respect mine. However, in the midst of a world of endless choices on what to believe, I hope that this entry serves as a testimony that Jesus is Lord. He saves even a wretched person like me.